This is my companion piece to the light research I conducted on this subject of epitaphs, epigraphs, last or final words, or more generally what gets written on your tombstone (if you live in a society that (1) buries their dead and (2) marks such spot with an object where an inscription is commonly found to tell passersby a bit about who lies beneath).
Part 1 can be found here.
Epitaph: An epitaph is a short piece of writing, verse, or tribute dedicated to a deceased person, most commonly inscribed on a tombstone, headstone, or memorial plaque.
My Personal List of Epitaphs
I unintentionally blurred the line between inscriptions that are the more traditional epitaph style and ones that would be more commonly found as someone's last or final words before their immediate demise.
I'm okay with this, because I feel it's prudent to cover my bases for every eventuality.
All things are possible in a long enough timespan after all.
The List Itself (Finally)
If it's not obvious enough already, descendants, please pull from the list below as you deem most applicable based on the situation that brought about my timely (the author writes optimistically) demise.
Here's a list of potential inscriptions for a future tombstone:
"Tried to act normal."
"Look, it's seriously no big deal. I'll go first."
"That's a funny looking rope."
"My, what big teeth you have grandma."
"I've got this."
"Ooh, that's a good bear."
"I think we go this way."
"I've actually never done this before."
"Should've tested in dev first."
"They're really just big cats, so nothing to worry about."
"Wait, why are you running away?"
"Today's the best day of the rest of my life."
"Shouldn't have taken that shortcut."
"Please leave a voicemail after the beep beep"
"Went to life and all I got was this lousy t shirt."
"Went to life and all I got was this lousy gravestone."
"So, that was it?"
"I hope there are hot dogs."
"Gosh, I'm really thirsty."
"Hold on a seco"
"I'm right, like 99%, of the time."
"Don't worry about it. I'm an amateur mycologist. I know what I'm talking about. See? Totally fine."
"Trust me, dude, trip of a lifetime."
"Totally worth it."
"Arggghhhhh->gurgle->phlegmatic, hacking cough->thunk, scream! (interlude), thunk, snap, gasp, wet thud->drip, drip, drip
"If you're reading this, I'd like a do-over."
"If you're reading this, don't take the red pill."
"If you're reading this, I'd like another turn please."
"If you're reading this, screw you Jerry."
"If you're reading this, please dig me out. I'm pretty sure I was buried alive."
"If you're reading this, and potentially dabbling in dark magic, I promise not to do anything too evil if you bring me back, pinky promise."
"If you're reading this, I'd like a word with your supervisor."
"If you're reading this, please leave a 5 star review on Google."
"Yo, watch where you're stepping!"
"Should've been cremated"
"Are we there yet?"
"Insert a quarter."
"Mind the gap."
"Lost their head."
"Do you mind passing the salt?"
"Call number below for your complimentary haunting. First one's free! Terms and conditions such as a lifetime of lurking, creaking, chain-rattling, moving random objects and leaving small trails of ectoplasmic goo, among other things, may apply. Please consult your psychic medium or local ghostbuster for more information. This message brought to you by The Civil Society for a Humane and Just Treatment of All Ghosts and Ghost-Like Beings."
"Go fish."
"Gone fishing?"
"Helmets R 4 Dorks"
"I don't wanna wear a helmet - it's going to mess up my beautiful hair."
"Seatbelts R 4 Pu**ies"